Chronicle: I’m sick of magical creatures messing up my house

The stupid magical creatures are back in my house.

That’s not nice. Maybe I shouldn’t call them stupid. I would tell my kids not to call them stupid. Luckily, the elf took a break from his nonsense. However, the tooth fairy and the pixie have been giving me a lot of grief lately.

They were expected one night last week. This causes problems at bedtime for my youngest, who sees spooky shadows on the walls despite some excitement for the fairies’ visits.

But then the tooth fairy forgot to introduce herself. My eldest woke up to find a tooth still under his pillow, and it started his day off on the wrong foot. Anyway, I’m not a huge fan of this tooth fairy, as you might have noticed in this column just a few months ago.

My youngest was terrified the first time the sparkly lady was supposed to visit. I had a hard time convincing him that she would be nice and that she wouldn’t bother him. And later, my eldest got really confused when this tooth fairy tried to write her a card with glue and glitter, then left a mess all over my home office desk. We actually argued about that one. He accused me of copying the note from the tooth fairy, and nothing I said about it seemed to calm him down. I finally shouted something and stormed off. The stupid tooth fairy is giving me trouble.

The tooth fairy at least brought me my share of money when I was little. This pixie, however, is nothing but a problem.

I don’t remember any pixies visiting my house when I was a kid – unless you count my young, red-haired twin sisters whose birthdays fall on March 17th. They have caused their share of mischief, but not like the pixie.

My kids seemed to think the little Irishman was going to come over overnight with the tooth fairy. They made traps for him, baiting him with coins and food. A trap was made using a shoebox and tissue paper, which the Leprechaun could fall into while trying to find gold. The other trap was made using a large box, with a ramp and a bed of spikes – otherwise known as pretty bugs that I should have hidden better.

I love their creativity. I played no part in the making of these traps. However, once you have a Leprechaun trap in your home, what then?

Although my kids thought the elf might come in the wee hours of the morning, they also said he might come while they were at school. I didn’t think it was a big deal when he didn’t show up overnight. I was wrong. It was a big deal. And one of the traps was knocked over and destroyed – not by a Leprechaun – within minutes of my kids waking up and getting on the school bus.

In the end, he showed up later while they were at school. The little guy stole their money, ate their food, and left a trail of green glitter. Well, he would have left a trail of green sequins, but apparently he had to work late – he’s a full-time cobbler, in case you didn’t know – and he left home without any magical sparks.

He was always sneaky and quick and escaped the traps of my boys. In fact, of all the Leprechaun trappers I’ve heard of, not once have I heard of a trapped Leprechaun. Maybe we should give up. And if we caught a leprechaun, what happened then? Steal his gold? This little crook would mess up every day until the gold was returned.

Nope. I don’t want to catch a Leprechaun. I wouldn’t mind if the tooth fairy retired. This Easter bunny isn’t my friend either, don’t even get me started. And if one more magical creature sneaks into my house, I might kick them all out for good.

Shannon Casas is editor of The Times and resident of North Hall.

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Raymond I. Langston